


Assorted Buffyverse Drabbles and Ficlets

by inbarati



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-14
Updated: 2010-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-08 22:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 5,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inbarati/pseuds/inbarati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sequeal to Road Trip</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I don't think that belongs to you, luv." Spike smirked as Xander tried to hide the chocolate-banana flavored lube behind his back.

"But it's so yummy, and we're out!" whined Xander, pouting and making puppy eyes.

"We're here to get spell components for Red and Glinda, not to raid the contents of their 'naughty' drawer. Put it back, and we can stop at the sex shop after the girls have found the big bad for this week and Buffy has talked it to death."

"It wasn't in the drawer, it was on the nightstand with the handcuffs. And the sex shop will be closed by the time we're done being slayerettes." Xander tried to be reasonable.

"Handcuffs?" Spike said, looking at the slatted closet door thoughtfully for a moment. Then suddenly, he frowned. "Oi! I am not a slayerette!"

Xander laughed, pocketing the lube. Willow would forgive him, she always did. In the meantime, however… "Hey, if the shoe fits…"

He ran out of the dorms with Spike hot on his tail.


	2. Chapter 2

Ethan yawned and stretched languorously, smiling at the sounds of Rupert making tea in their tiny kitchen area. Ethan stretched one last time, and rolled out of bed. Pushing the curtain aside, he was greeted with the sight of his still-naked lover accepting a kettle from a young, dark haired man through the dutch door of their vardo. Ethan did not yet speak Romany, so he didn't know what they were saying, just that the young man found it amusing, judging by his broad smile.

"Ripper, you'll scandalize the young man. Come in and shut the door." Ethan said mildly, smiling a bit at exactly how much the man he loved had unwound in the several months they had been together, this time around.

Rupert grinned and waved, shutting the top half of the door, and turning to finish his preparations. Ethan snuck up behind him and kissed the back of his neck, wrapping his arms around a middle that was getting a little thicker, but was still pleasing to Ethan's eye.

"I see that I'm going to be drinking cold tea again this morning," Rupert mock-complained, feeling Ethan's morning 'interest' nestling between his cheeks.

"I can make it worth your while," Ethan murmured against the sensitive spot between Rupert's shoulder blades, kissing the vertebra there. He traced Rupert's arm with his finger, checking the placement of the topaz given to them by the awenydd they both called Mami. Ethan privately doubted she was old enough for the title of grandmother to the two of them, but if her power was great enough to hide them from those who wished them harm, he would call her goddess if she wished it.

Rupert turned around. "I can understand your need to stop and think occasionally love, but when you do it mid-foreplay, it makes me a little nervous."

Ethan chuckled and pulled Rupert close. "M'sorry, Ripper."

Rupert lifted his chin and kissed him, and there was no more room for fear or worry. Just the two of them, in a rickety wagon that was being pulled by a pickup truck, kissing.


	3. Magnificat

_"Magnificat anima mea Dominum;  
Et exultavit spiritus meus in Deo salutari meo,"_

The elder nuns walked the lines of little girls, rulers in hand. To fidget, stutter, or miss a word during Vespers would bring the ruler down on your hands quick as lightning, Drusilla knew. But it was so hard to pay attention to the words when the angels sang to her.

_"Quia respexit humilitatem ancillae suae; ecce enim ex hoc beatam me dicent omnes generationes.  
Quia fecit mihi magna qui potens est, et sanctum nomen ejus,  
Et misericordia ejus a progenie in progenies timentibus eum."_

Crack! The ruler came down on Drusilla's knuckles. Tears spilled down her cheeks and blood spilled over her split knuckle. She silently prayed for the angels to come and take her.

Suddenly there was a banging on the chapel door. The angels sang of death, blood, and tears. Drusilla rose from the pew, and followed the nuns to the door; heedless of the punishment it would certainly bring down on her head.

_"Et misericordia ejus a progenie in progenies timentibus eum.  
Fecit potentiam brachio suo;  
Dispersit superbos mente cordis sui.  
Deposuit potentes de sede, et exaltavit humiles."_

A man with the face of an Angel stood in the doorway, begging shelter. Drusilla had seen him in her dreams. The angels sang of an eternity that could be hers, of exquisite pain, of a poet-knight who would roam the world by her side. Drusilla could taste the blood that would flow over their lips like the juice of a pomegranate she had had once, before her father died.

_"Gloria Patri, et Filio, et Spiritui Sancto.  
Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum. Amen."_

A flash of light in her mind, and Drusilla knew what to do. In one swift move she pulled the wooden cross from the chapel door, and plunged it straight into the beautiful stranger's heart.

The dust mixed with the tears running down her face. A new slayer had been called.


	4. I Put a Spell on You

Willow whispered to the girl beside her in the bed, wrapping spells upon spells inside the blonde head that lay next to hers on the pillow.

Just a few more spells and everything would be fine. It would be the way it was before. Better even. Tara would be hers again. They would love each other. The hole in Willow's heart would close.

"I love you," Willow whispered to the Tarabot that lay beside her on the bed.

The bot's eyes fluttered. "I l-l-ove you, too, Willow." Her eyes opened wide in shock, then filled with tears. "I was d-d-d… Oh, honey, what have you done?"


	5. Road Trip

Ethan raised an eyebrow, "California?"

"Yes! The Hellmouth there will add a great jolt of power to the ritual. And I've heard there's a slayer there. We can play a few rounds of 'Annoy the Watcher's Council' while we're there."

"Well, since you put it that way," Ethan smiled widely, "do we have tickets?"

"Of course, my love. I've also packed our bags."

Ethan sighed, "Am I really that predictable?"

"You've yet to refuse me anything I've really wanted, if that's what you mean. Besides, we can do more in California than the ritual. I hear there's great shopping in L.A.."

Ethan leaned over and whispered in his lover's ear, "Ripper my love, you had me at shopping."


	6. Destination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequeal to Road Trip

"Ripper my love, it's almost the vesper hour, time to stop plotting and start doing." Ethan ruffled the edges of the blueprint his lover was studying.

Ripper stretched and looked at his watch. "Yes, indeed. We need to start the ritual in half an hour. Are you ready, love?"

"Of course. I have the stones, as well. Are you ready?"

"Yes, the incense and the athame are in the bag. I think this tunnel here will provide us with the easiest access to the school's basement." Ripper pointed at the topmost blueprint.

"There are seven stones. They'll be worth several million pounds when they're charged."

"Yes, enough to keep you in silk shirts and me in cigarettes for a long time to come. Let's go, then."

Ethan smiled and kissed his lover. "Yes, let's."


	7. Lost Luggage, Ties, Caramel

Xander scrabbled through his carry-on bag, getting more and more frustrated by the second. He had the suit he had been wearing on the plane, but he hadn't worn a tie. His ties were in the luggage that had gone to Toledo instead of Seattle. He sat down on the bed with his head in his hands.

"Spike, I can't go to the conference without a tie, and I have to be there in fifteen minutes. What am I going to do?"

"You could wear one of these." Spike pulled a silk tie out of the sex toy bag. He had insisted bringing it as a carry-on, much to Xander's mortification, and the amusement of the guards running the X-ray machine. Then he pulled out another, and again, four all told.

"Spike, those are four of my best ties! What were they doing in the sex toy bag?" Xander picked the deep blue one that reminded him of Spike's eyes, and began to tie it around his neck.

"Well, pet, remember last saturday when I put the blindfold on you," Spike put his arms around Xander and whispered into his ear, "and stripped you." Spike spun Xander around to face him. "And tied you to the bed." Spike nuzzled Xander's neck, "and covered you in caramel sauce, and spent hours licking it off?"

Xander shivered as Spike's lips moved against his pulse point, the whisper of breath making his hair stand on end. "Oh god, Spike, not now! I can't go to this thing a walking hard-on!"

Spike chuckled at that. "Let's see what we can do about that." He slid sensuously down Xander's body, to his knees.

Xander looked down, at Spike undoing his pants, and thought that he would have to be late. Very late.


	8. Chapter 8

It was past three on a Saturday morning, and Xander was walking home from dropping off his slayers after patrol. It was funny, how the chill of late fall always made him think of Sunnydale. He could see his breath, and it made him think of all the times he's dreamed of going somewhere it would snow. He gazed up into the sky as he walked, hoping for snowflakes, even just a few.

"Bloody Hell!" Said the walking mass of brown paper bags he walked into because he wasn't watching where he was going. A couple of bags fell to the ground, and a platinum blonde head peeked from over them. "Christ's crotch on fire, Harris, you're a sodding nuisance!"

"Spike?" Xander was flabbergasted, not that that didn't happen all the time. "You're supposed to be dead!"

"So sorry to disappoint, monkeyboy. I'll be on my way, then."

Xander caught Spike's sleeve as he started to stride away. "Wait…"

Spike stopped for all of three seconds. "And?"

"Uh… Where are you going?"

"To my crypt, idiot."

"I, uh… tomorrow's Thanksgiving." Xander honestly couldn't think of anything better to say.

"Not here, you stupid Yank. This is London, not the bloody colonies."

Xander looked pointedly at the shopping bags. "Willow is coming to my place tomorrow for dinner. You could come, spend the night, be at dinner tomorrow."

Spike stared hard at Xander for several moments. "Not sleeping in your sodding closet."

Xander smiled. " 'Kay."


	9. Chapter 9

Xander came home from a night of delivering pizza and threw himself on the couch, falling asleep pretty much as soon as his head hit the armrest. Patrol and Anya's orgasms were just going to have to happen without him tonight. Seventy hours a week at three different jobs to try and get out of his parents basement was too much, but Anya had given him an ultimatum. Out by New Year's, or it was over. So work he did.

He woke the next morning, almost afternoon, under a blanket, with his shoes off. The smell of frying bacon was in the air. "Ahn?" he called, confused. Then he realized he was late to work. He ran for the shower.

He was out in under ten minutes, and hunting for his cell led him to the kitchen area. Spike looked him up an down. "Know I made you brekkie, pet, but you didn't have to get all dolled up for me." He grinned at Xander.

Xander looked down. He was wearing a pair of black silk boxers that were the first thing he'd pulled out of his drawers. They said 'Bite Me' in red script across the front. Xander had never seen them before. "Uhh…"

Spike shoved Xander onto a stool and slid a full plate in front of him. "Eat."

Xander looked longingly at the plate. "I can't Spike, I'm already late."

"Called in for you. You're not working today."

"Spike, I need that money! Anya…"

"Lost you in a poker game last night."

"What?"

"I won you from her in a poker game last night."

"What?"

"Bloody hell, are you deaf or senile?"

"I'm hoping senile, you could not possibly have said what I thought you just said."

"Anya ran out of cash, so she put you in the pot. I won. You're mine." Spike leered at his prize. Xander fainted.

"Guess he's still tired," Spike muttered to himself as he picked his boy up of the floor, and carried him to bed.


	10. Chapter 10

"You are not bringing that bloody thing into my house, Alexander LaVelle Harris!" Spike stood in the doorway, not allowing Xander to pass.

"Look at him, Spike! He needs us!" Xander gave his best pout.

Sighing heavily, Spike stepped aside. "I'm going to regret this."

"I'll make it up to you…" Xander sing-songed, blowing Spike a kiss as he sauntered past his vampire into the apartment.

Xander did not get the chance however. For the next several days, whenever they started to get… close, something would happen. Xander's Babylon 5 plates got knocked off the wall and broken, the TV shorted out because the cord got chewed through, the cat howled until the neighbors called the police the one time they dared to ignore it.

"That thing is evil! Take it to your watcher and ask him or we're never having sex again!" Spike pointed at the black kitten that had just been thrown from the vampire's back, spitting, growling, and clawing, as he had lowered himself onto Xander for what he had intended to be a prolonged kiss.

"Fine, be that way." Xander took said kitten, which was still nameless, and stormed out.  
\---------------------------------------------------------

"I'm afraid Spike is right, Xander," Giles concluded his examination of the 'kitten,' and began gathering spell ingredients.

"What do you mean?" Xander gather his kitten close to his chest.

"This animal is an incarnation of Hastur, one of the Elder Gods. He has to be sent back to his dimension."

"But…" Xander's lip quivered.

Giles sighed and rolled his eyes. "We can stop by the shelter on the way home and I'll find you a real kitten, okay?"

Xander pouted some more and pet the black thing snuggled in his arms.

Giles went to the office to get the scotch. It was going to be a long night.


	11. Chapter 11

Spike drew a smiley face in the ice on the window. Body heat was such a weird thing to have. The crystals melted around his finger. He smiled at the window, then sighed. Xander was assembling a ship. Inside a bottle, of all the bloody stupid things to be doing when they could be shagging.

He walked to the couch in their little one-room cabin and stretched out on it. He looked at Xander and sighed again. "Xanderrrrrr…."

"Spike, do you remember what I said I would do if you distracted me?"

"Yes," Spike replied petulantly.

"What did I say?"

"No orgasms for a week." Spike replied. "Like you could do it," he continued under his breath.

"Maybe not," Xander replied to what he wasn't supposed to have heard, "but do you really want to find out?"

"Maybe." Spike thought for a minute. "Might be worth it."

Xander sighed, "Worth it, how? Is it that important to annoy me?" He turned to face his lover.

"No, pet. S'that important to have your attention." Spike was laying naked and hard on the couch.

"Oh." Xander was officially speechless for a full minute before it dawned on him. "You bastard! You tricked me!"

"Sticks and stones, love. Didn't ask you to look, did I?"

"Yes, but I bet Giles we could last the hour he'd be gone, and now I have to clean the refrigerator!"

"I'll make it worth your while, pet." Spike Grinned as Xander stalked towards the couch, tossing clothes aside as he went.


	12. Chapter 12

Willow grinned evilly. "I bet you a raspberry slushy he still won't notice."

Spike growled, "Just do your part and summon the right demon. He'll notice."

Willow grinned again. The Magic Box branch she and Giles had opened in London just hadn't been home until they had gotten Spike back. "Tonight then? You won't back out?"

"I do not sodding back out!" Spike stormed out the door. Willow grinned again and got out the supplies she had already assembled.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------

Kennedy spun a kick at Xander's head, which he almost dodged. "You're getting better."

"Not better enough." Xander ruefully rubbed his head.

"He'll notice, you'll see."

"I hope so."

"Here."

"Nice knife. What's it for?"

Kennedy grinned. "You'll know when the time comes."  
\-------------------------------------------------------

Xander pulled the demon off of Spike, Throwing a punch to its jaw that connected, hard. The demon fell back, and sat there rubbing its chin. "You claimed?" It nodded at Spike.

Xander looked at Spike. Spike avoided his gaze. "No I'm not claimed, but that doesn't mean you can maul me!"

"If not his, mine," growled the demon. It was about Xander's size, a pale teal color with long black hair. Pretty enough, if you went that way, but Spike had someone else in mind.

"Sod off, I said!" Spike mock-pushed the demon away, not using a tenth of his strength, and let it back him up against a tree. "Little help, Harris?"

Xander pulled the demon off again. "Look, he's not interested, buddy. Find someone else."

"You claim, I go." The demon crossed its arms. Xander wondered if that was a universal gesture.

"Spike, what should we do?" Xander whispered, turning his back on the demon.

"You might have to claim me. It's pretty strong, and I'm not partial to becoming a pet."

"Claim you? Isn't that, like, permanent?"

"Until one of us dies, yeah." Spike didn't meet Xander's eyes.

"You'd let me?"

"Not a matter of let, love."

Xander stared at Spike for several moments. "You… Oh."

"Yeah, look, nevermind, I'll uh… figure some-"

Xander shut him up by kissing him. Pulling the knife from the sheath at his side, he flashed it in the moonlight. "Bugger off. Claiming him now."

The demon strode off a dozen or so yards and then ducked behind a crypt. A dark haired slayer pulled it into a passionate embrace, as the glamour faded, and Willow was left. Kennedy giggled as they peeked around the crypt. "He actually believed there was a species of demon that liked to claim vampires?

"Yep," Willow grinned.

"You're evil."

"Hey, it was your idea to get them together." They both smiled as they walked arm-in-arm from the cemetery.


	13. Dawn was never normal...

Dawn was never the most normal of girls, so it really shouldn't have surprised anyone that what she wanted for her birthday was to see Spike and Xander make out.

That being said, they were all pretty shocked. Even Spike. "What would you want a bloody fool thing like that for?"

"It'd be hot," was Dawn's implacable reply. She crossed her arms. "It's my sixteenth birthday. Kiss."

"Um, Dawnie, I hate to burst your bubble here, but they don't even like each other." Willow helpfully supplied.

"What she said!" Xander added.

"Right. Like I haven't seen you checking out Spike's ass." She whirled around to pin the blond with a hard stare, interrupting his laughter. "And you have twenty-three poems in your notebook that mention 'luminous brown orbs' or 'lyrical peals of laughter.'" She pulled Spike up by his belt loops and shoved him toward Xander. "Kiss, or I start with the real blackmail material."

The two men looked nervously at each other, and then at Dawn, whose unflinching gaze drove them to take a step, each toward the other. "Um…" Xander started, looking to Spike for help. Spike looked down at his feet, rubbing the back of his head self-consciously. Xander fought the smile that threatened his face. Spike was not cute, not cute not cute notcute! He sighed a little, and grabbed Spike's free hand, pulling him gently closer. Spike was adorable.

Spike looked into Xander's eyes, startled by his sudden acquiescence, and the tenderness that had come with it. Xander's gaze was darting between his eyes and his lips, and his thumb was rubbing gently across the back of Spike's hand. If he didn't do something quick, Xander was going to kiss him. He was frozen, though, the only thing he could do was to hold on to Xander's hand like a lifeline.

Xander touched his lips to Spike's softly, their only other point of contact their joined hands. Xander kissed him for endless moments, eyes closed, focused. Spike's hand stopped moving on the back of his neck, and was drawn, inexorably to Xander's face. Spike's fingers traced the line of Xander's cheek, his jaw, the fragile shell of his ear, finally tangling in his hair.

Half an hour later, they were the only ones left in Buffy's living room.


	14. Fundamental

"So didja read it?" Spike was practically hopping with anticipation.

"Kinda?" Xander hedged. "It had a lot of big words."

"What's with you, Harris? I know you're not stupid. Why the act?"

"It's not an act, okay? It's just… nothing. I'm stupider than you think I am."

"Right. What's 1198 times 15?"

"17970. Why?" Xander looked confused. What did multiplication have to do with big words being difficult?

"I had to do that on a calculator. You knew it instantly. You're not stupid."

"What is with _you_? You tell me twelve times a day how stupid I am. Is this some new and interesting way to make me insane?"

Spike looked away. "Haven't done that in weeks."

Xander thought. "Actually, no, you haven't. Are you sick? Am I going to catch it?"

Spike snorted. "I'm not sick, and stop changing the subject. What is it about reading that makes you into a total knob end?"

Xander shrugged. "If it's not a word I'm familiar with, the letters get… they stop making sense."

"Did your mum and da ever get you tested for dyslexia or somesuch?" Xander just shot a telling look in the vampire's direction. "Right. Did you ever get yourself tested?"

Xander blushed hotly. "Why? Did someone pass a law that requires proof before you can call someone stupid?"

"Pillock. I'm trying to help you." Spike sat on a kitchen stool, spreading a xeroxed article in front of Xander. "Learning disabilities don't mean you're stupid. There are things they can do to help nowadays."

Xander scanned the article. "There's a lot of jargon in here."

"Says there's testing for learning disability at the community college. Also has that drafting class the construction job wants you to take." Spike put a course catalog with those classes circled in front of him.

Xander looked at Spike suspiciously "Why are you doing this?"

"Working on my get out of hell free card."

"Bull. Shit."

"Maybe I have an ulterior motive."

"You have motives that aren't?

"Berk."

"Seriously. Why?"

Mumble.

"What?"

"Lkew."

"No, really. What?"

"I. Like. You."

"_Like,_ like?"

"Ass."

"You like my ass?"

Spike leered. "What's not to like?"

"Ohgod. I'm uh, flattered, but I'm so not gay. Liking the ladies. Boobies are my thing. I'm not fabulous enough to be gay, they'd take away my gay card. I was only kidding when I asked Willow to gay me up, and it didn't work if she did do it. Plus I have bad hair. And shoes! These are so not the right shoes for-" Xander was cut off as Spike stood suddenly and covered Xander's mouth with his own.

Spike kissed like a predator. Insinuating his way past defenses, he took no prisoners. His tongue coaxed shivers from Xander, tracing the outline of his lips until he gasped, then slipping in to taste. Xander tasted sweet and warm, a little like oatmeal cookies, and a lot like boy. Spike kept kissing until Xander melted.

"H- how did you know?" Xander stuttered.

"Was paying attention."

"Oh." Xander thought for several moments. "Can we do that again?"

"You'll go to the class?"

"If you'll keep kissing me."

Spike grinned and kissed him again.


	15. Overheard on Christmas Eve

"Once upon a time there was a vampire, who-"

"Wait! You're not telling it right. Once upon a time there was a boy, err… man-"

"Both of you shut it. It happened like this…

It actually started with a basement, and a key. Not any ordinary key, and not the key to the basement. A key that looked like a girl.

It was Christmas, and the key was very sad, for her sister had died. The key went to visit a friend, who lived in the basement. We'll call him… Basement Boy."

*snicker*

"Dawnie!"

"If the shoe fits, Basement Boy…"

"I wonder if there's money to be made showing off the world's only celibate vampire…"

*throat clearing* "Sorry Xan."

"Mmhmmm."

"If you both don't shut up, there will be no chocolate cake for either of you…

Basement boy was in love, but he kept it a secret. Bleach Head, the object of his affection-"

"Oi! Not nice, Bit."

*gigglefit*

"Don't make me turn you over my knee, boy."

"Just shut up!

Bleach Head was oblivious to Basement Boy's ardor, though they lived together from time to time. They argued, and sometimes fought, but neither of them realized that they were slowly growing closer.

But Basement Boy was attractive to all kinds of demons, who were always stealing him for sacrifices, or trying to mate with him, or even marry him. Bleach Head was always having to save him, and one day, Basement Boy had an idea. He had a lot of good ideas, and they usually got him in trouble. This was one of his best.

He went to Bleach Head, and said, 'I think you should claim me. Make me your consort so the other demons will stop kidnapping me.'

Bleach Head was still mostly asleep in his ugly orange chair, so his response was more of a grumble than actual words, but Basement Boy took it as a yes."

"When do you- I mean, when does the key show up?"

*sigh* "If you wouldn't interrupt, I'd get there eventually.

So, the sleepy vampire was moved to Basement Boy's bed, because Basement Boy was a responsible sort of Consort. It was about three in the afternoon, and he decided to take a nap with his vampire.

This is when the key comes to visit. She had a key to Basement Boy's basement, and let herself in. She saw Basement Boy and Bleach Head snuggling together in bed."

"And the resulting ultrasonic squealing not only woke both if us up, but burst the eardrums of dogs and assorted small creatures from Sunnydale to Poughkeepsie."

"I'm so putting a whole bottle of cayenne pepper into your next mug of blood. Shut up.

The key was very happy for her friends. The rest of their dysfunctional little family were not. They tried to convince Basement Boy that Bleach Head was taking advantage of him."

"Which was ridiculous because it was my idea."

*sigh and audible eyeroll* "The key knew better, though, and when Bleach Head and Basement Boy moved north to a less Hellmouthy neighborhood, she went with them."

"Buffy's still mad about that. It's been five years. You think she'll ever forgive me?"

"Bollocks to her if she doesn't. We both love you, Bit's doing good in school, and we got what we need. You done right by the Bit, even if the Slayer and them have their heads up their arses."

"I give up. You two finish the story."

"Right then. They bought a sled, and learned to ski, and lived happily ever after. Pass the bloody eggnog."

*giggle* "Yeah, I guess that's it. The Sunnydale crew eventually collapsed the Hellmouth, and made all the Potentials into Slayers, but you guys know all about that.

And they forgave us enough to send some of you guys here for us to train. And now it's Christmas."

"Dawnie, it's been Christmas a couple of times since we left Sunnydale."

*party noises eventually drown out the argument that ensues*


	16. Follow the Cops Back Home

There's a chill in the October air. Xander crunches the leaves under his feet as he walks, knowing it irritates his all-too-silent companion. Spike hasn't spoken for the entire hour they've been patrolling. Usually, only Xander's skill at babble gets him a word in edgewise as the vampire rants about everything and anything. The local police drive by, and a song pops into his head and he sings a line, "Let's follow the cops back home, follow the cops back home, follow the cops back home, and rob their houses."

Spike stops, stares, and snorts, an alliteration Xander is deeply familiar with. "You're a white knight, remember?" He pauses, and continues, "Give over on the crunching, yeah? Driving me," and then walks on.

"I'll stop if you tell me why you're not talking." Xander replies, still crunching. "It's unnerving."

"Vampire. Supposed to be broody."

"That's Angel's schtick. You're the hyperactive, whiskey-swilling one, remember?"

"Don't you ever just shut up and think about stuff?" Spike snarls, turning to face his tormentor.

"Yeah, but then you're there to drag me off to play pool, or whatever." Xander's face changes, as he sees Spike's face. "Oh. Why didn't you say something?"

"Vampire. Why didn't you say it?"

"Zeppo. We're a couple of doofuses, aren't we?"

"Speak for yourself, doofus." Spike pulls Xander in and kisses him thoroughly.

Xander just grins back. "We're done patrolling for the night, huh?"

"Yeah."


	17. A New Kind of Light

"Spike, come look at this!" Xander bounced in the computer chair.

"I'm watching the telly, pet, what is it?" Spike lounged on the couch, remote in hand.

"Gotta be seen to be believed, come here, come here!" Xander was chortling and clicking like mad.

"You need to lay off the Christmas cookies and cocoa before you have an aneurysm, Xan." Spike rolled off the couch and onto his feet with a grace that went unnoticed by his partner, who was laughing loudly.

"Uglychristmaslights.com? I got off the couch for this?"

"You know you're only not fat because you're a vampire, right? Look at this one, 'Santa and the polar bear share their not-so-secret love'!" Xander laughed so hard he snorted.

Spike laughed, too, mostly because Xander was so happy. "You know, we could totally do up the Watcher's house in style," he said with a sly grin.

The only answer he needed was Xander's hysterical laughter.


	18. Real Life

Spike backed Xander into the wall behind him, kissing him the whole time. When he pulled back, Xander was flushed and pleasure-drugged, like he'd not be standing if the wall wasn't holding him up. Spike smirked, "Still with me, love?"

It was a few seconds before Xander was tracking entirely. "Sex now, please?"

Spike chuckled. "This is real life, not fanfiction, love. You're going to have to take your clothes off before we can do that."

Xander stared down at his pants for a minute, before saying,"Oh, yeah," like he'd just remembered how to work a zipper, and starting to fumble with it. A few moments later, his head snapped up, eyes suddenly clear. "Wait a sec - You read fanfiction?"

Bollocks! Spike quickly kissed him as lewdly as possibly, worming a hand into his still partly zippered pants. With any luck, when he was done with the boy, he'd not remember that particular slip of the tongue.


	19. Anya's Vengeance

Brushing the dust off her hands, Anyanka stepped lightly through the rubble of what had been a large mansion. She tilted her head, thinking about where to go next. There was a flash, and D'Hoffryn stood before her.

He looked around, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "Have you forgotten what your duties are, Anyanka? You owe me for reinstating you a second time, as well. This, " he gestured at the rubble around him, "is not vengeance."

Anyanka snorted at her erstwhile boss. "This particular vengeance has been asked for by multitudes of women from every corner of this planet. I"m doing exactly what my duties say. I didn't ask for 'reinstating' either. You didn't give me a choice."

D'Hoffryn sighed. "You would have died. And this is hardly evil."

Anyanka grinned widely. "Nothing in the rules says I have to be evil, only that I have to wreak vengeance." She disappeared with a flash.

D'Hoffryn pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes so as to avoid looking at the rubble. Evil was going to be much less convenient with the entirety of the Bush family gone.


End file.
